Episode 133: Bullet to the Head
Tag : [five seconds of silence] Movie Summary : United Kingdom title: Bullet to the 'Ead Premise : New Orleans hitman Jimmy Bobo (Sylvester Stallone) kills a dirty cop, setting in motion a tale of revenge, re-revenge, and re-re-revenge. Story : A stripped-down action movie which involves quite a few guys getting bullets to the head. Ultimately, Keegan (Khal Drogo) kidnaps Bobo's daughter and they have a final boss battle with axes. @7:20 S: There's no children in this movie. E: There are -- well, unless -- there's a character who's Sylvester Stallone's child, but she's grown up. D: Christian Slater still... S: And is she ever! E: Oh boy, is she grown up in all the right places! By which I mean her whole body. S: But still very petite. E: She is an adult-sized person. It's not like: : "Well, she's big in all the right places." : "Well you mean like, there are places where she's not big and it's the weird wrong size? I don't understand. That's a weird thing to say." D: She's big in all the right places. By which I mean that she's proportional. E: Which I mean -- She doesn't have one tiny doll's hand. D: All the places that are supposed to be big are big, and all the small places are small. S: Now, for all the listeners out there that have one tiny doll hand... E: Look, there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. S: we're not trying to say... It's cool, man. E: Even if you have two tiny doll hands. S: I'll give you one tiny five and one high five. E: Hey, look. You're that -- S: I mean, my hand's not tiny. It's normal size. That's gross. E: You're making it worse! You're making it worse! Your hand would crush their hand! D: Abort! Abort! E: Look, you're that much closer to being Dollman. And being next to Dollman-ness is next to godliness. S: Yeah, if you had a little doll's hand you could hold Dollman's gun that explodes people. * scrotums @24:05 * "Pretty Stallone" @26:20 ** "NO MERCY." (Dan) @26:50 Episode Highlights * Rowlf in the Rain @31:20 Special Celebrity Appearance * Unannounced arrival @20:00 * Reveals his diagnosis of Stallone's Disease @21:30 * "It's not like Lou Gehrig discovered Lou Gehrig's disease!" (Stallone) @21:45 Special Celebrity Reappearance * Returns bearing 3 bags of TOSTITOS® Original Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips @37:50 * Discusses his painting A Bullet to Rowlf's Head @39:45 * "Look at this -- I'm shredded like a Ninja Turtle! I got abs like lettuce! I'm like if beef jerky had muscles!" (Stallone) @39:00 Final Judgments * Between Bad-Bad and a Movie I Kinda Liked (Stuart) @43:10 * Movie I Kinda Liked (Dan) @43:30 * Movie I Kinda Liked (Elliott) @44:00 Follow Bullet to the Head with a bulleit to the mouth! A Bulleit® whiskey, that is. (Enjoy responsibly.) ---- Tangents * Werner Herzog impressions @00:35 * Butt Privates @33:50 * butts @34:15 * Seven Pounds @59:55 Movie Pitches * Carrie Potter @10:45 * A.T.T. PD @22:45 * The Mamataur @1:00:40 * Throw Minotaur from the Train @1:01:10 Quotes * "Send that fuckface '''back to Krypton!" (Stuart) @2:40 * "Mice don't live very long when they're solving mysteries and making powerful enemies." (Elliott) @4:30 * "There are scenes in [Rambo] where Stallone just looks like a bear with a human head running through the jungle." (Elliott) @5:25 * "This is not what Parade magazine promised!" (Elliott) @32:45 * "This is, without a doubt, the dumbest thing that's ever been said on this podcast." (Elliott) @34:30 * "Oh, God..." (Dan) @49:55 Listener Mail : '"''The Flop House and the Train Journey from Hell" from Andy Lastnamewithheld @43:50 :: Movie pitches: ::: Nude School University, USA @46:45 ::: The Shower Police @46:10 : "Questions for the Floppers" from Foo Lastnamewithheld @47:50 :: Bigger disappointment: Dollman vs. Demonic Toys or Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys? (Stuart) @48:35 :: Most overrated and most underrated musicals? (Elliott) @49:50 ::: overrated: The Band Wagon (1953) ::: underrated: Dames (1934) :: F, Marry, Kill: Linnea Quigley, Joan Severance, and Linda Blair ca. Zapped Again! (Dan) @50:50 : "Have You Seen My Hat?" from John Lastnamewithheld @52:45 :: update: "I Found My Hat" in Episode One Hundred and Forty-Four - Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor @48:10 Recommendations * Only God Forgives (2013) by Nicolas Winding Refn (Stuart and Elliott) @55:15 * Pacific Rim (2013) by Guillermo del Toro (Stuart) @1:04:50 * Robin and Marian (1976) by Richard Lester (Dan) @1:00:10 * Side Effects (2013) by Steven Soderbergh (Dan) @1:03:05 * Wagon Master (1950) by John Ford (Dan) @1:01:55 Category:Episodes